Light at the end of the tunnel!

So about that whole posting once a month thing… Oops. : )

But honestly, there hasn’t been all that much more to post about.

For the last 3 ½ months I have been just pushing through. I haven’t really been enjoying my life, as much as I’ve just been trying to survive it.  I think it has been wearing me down more than I’m admitting to people. Between CSC still being extremely stressful, working at the YMCA, and trying to hold my Relief Society together – I have just about lost my mind.

P.S. Depression sucks. (But I’m working on that too.)

HOWEVER – there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Everything that is adding stress to my life is going to be better in June. The last huge tax deadline that we have at work is June 1^st, so after that I’ll be able to breathe again. My internship at the YMCA is over on May 26^th. Oh, and I’m moving out of my parents’ house on May 28^th. I have signed a lease with two girls from my branch and we move in in two weeks. I am SO excited about this. Not because I want to leave my family (I’ll only be about half an hour away) but because I will actually be able to have an active social life again. And let’s face it, it’s pretty hard to find a husband when you never leave your house. (I won’t go into how utterly sick I am of being single.)

So, while this post may not be a great play-by-play of my last couple of months, and it’s kind of depressing as it is, I know that the future looks better and I can just move on and leave all this stress behind me.

Though, I’d be remiss if I omitted the fact that I am now an Aunt. Kathryn gave birth to Joshua Adam Christensen on March 10^th. (Yes, he was 5 weeks early.) So once work calms down I’ll actually be able to get to Utah to see the little guy. I’ll be out probably in the last part of June.

Love you all!

February - you can't be over yet!

I decided that I was going to post something on my blog at least once a month. But this month happened WAY too fast. (Hence the last-day-of-the-month post.)

Here's what my month has looked like:

On February 1st my parents went to Hawaii with my Grandparents for a little over a week. This was wonderful for them, and I'm really glad they got to go. But guess who got to be in charge at home while they were gone? Let's just say that I am not yet ready to be a single working mother with 6 children. The only reason that I survived was because I knew it was temporary. And because Victoria is amazing.

Pretty much as soon as they got back I started an internship at the YMCA. This is on top of my regular job. So every day I'm working 8 hours at CSC, and then heading straight to the YMCA afterward to put in another 3 hours. I'm loving it, but it's not leaving a whole lot of time for doing anything else. Forget a social life. I'm working in a couple of different programs. I'm helping to mentor in the Youth in Government program that they offer. It's really interesting because I have never been very political. I know that it's important, but it's not something that I've ever been passionate about. These High School kids are PASSIONATE about the stuff they are discussing, and they really know what they are talking about. But they are all pretty Liberal (it's Delaware) so I find myself trying not to laugh sometimes. They are creating "bills" that they are going to present and debate in April when they get to spend a day in Dover actually sitting in the Legislature. Some of them have really good ideas. Other ones are pretty silly. And some are just dumb. One girl decided she wanted to outlaw Home School because it makes kids anti-social and weird. (I had a few things to say about that.) Another kid has decided that he's going to start taxing the consumption of anything with High Fructose Corn Syrup in it, so that we'll be healthier. Another kid has decided to outlaw any fast food meal that is more than 750 calories. You can see what they are trying to do, but I don't want the government telling me what I'm allowed to eat or not.

Anyway...

On top of that work has been a LOT more stressful. I keep meaning to explain exactly what I do on this blog sometime, so I guess I'll do that now.

Corporation Service Company does a lot of different things for people and their companies. I am specifically on the Annual Report team. Every company has to qualify with the Secretary of State in each place that they are doing business. Then every year they are required to file some kind of registration to stay in good standing. Each state has different requirements and different due dates and it's a huge mess to try and keep track of it. So that what we do for people. We keep track of where they are doing business and we file all their Annual Reports for them. When I first started I was just assisting with someone else's filings. It was a little monotonous, but the people were great, so I liked it. Well, about 3 months ago they started to give me my own clients. So now I'm the point person for some pretty major companies. And they keep giving me more. So I'm pretty overwhelmed by the customer service side of my job now, and hardly have time to do any of the filings. And Delaware is due tomorrow. EVERY Delaware entity (and there are a LOT of them, because everyone incorporates in Delaware) has an annual report due by midnight tomorrow. Our entire team is going crazy trying to get everything done on time.

Oh, yeah. I'm the Relief Society President. Is it bad that that is the least stressful thing in my life right now? (Has everyone done their Visiting Teaching?)

And I turned 26.

I haven't been able to read a whole lot recently, but we are going to start a book club in Relief Society. I'll let you all know how that goes.

The End.

One 'reading update' coming right up…

Sometimes I forget that people actually read my blog… Sorry Mel! 

Here’s what I’ve been reading:

The Help

Kathryn Stockett

I really liked this book. It was an interesting and honest glimpse into the lives of women and what they had to deal with in the south in the 60s. I thought it was brilliant. It really made me think about what my prejudices may be. In this book there are some women who really believe that black women are simply not capable of being as intelligent as white ones. They don’t think they are being prejudiced, they just think they are stating facts. So it makes me wonder what I believe as fact that in reality is just blind prejudice. And how would you ever know it?

I thought the author did a good job of showing a lot of different angles and sides to the stories. She also had diverse characters, and I don’t just mean racially. I appreciated the fact that there wasn’t just a “white woman” type and then a “black woman” type. She showed that whatever your race we are all individuals with different challenges and different dreams. We all handle situations differently and think different things are funny. None of that has to do with the color of our skin.

I also appreciated the fact that the author showed multiple prejudices. Obviously the racial one was a major player, but she also showed how women judge themselves and how even among members of a similar race there are people who are acceptable and those who aren’t.

I highly recommend this book to anyone. I really really liked it.

And Then There Were None

Agatha Christie

I decided to go with something outside of my usual reading genres next. Mystery. I had never read anything by Agatha Christy before, and I thought it was about time I gave her a try.

I have to admit that I have a thing for finding out how it ends. If I’m flipping channels on the TV and I spend any more than about 5 minutes on a show like CSI or Law and Order… I can’t stop. I can’t do anything else until I find out who did it. No matter how terrible the show is. And I also always make a prediction. After the first 10 minutes of the show, you can be pretty sure that you’ve seen the killer already, so I like to make a prediction about who it is. See if I can guess it right before all the evidence comes in. (Sorry if this annoys any of you who watch TV with me.)

That’s sorta what happened with this book. I was absolutely hooked once I got just a few pages in. I liked the way that the story was told – from all different perspectives. But it got a little frustrating because you were seeing into all the characters’ heads and you still didn’t know who did it. I kept waiting for someone to think “wow, I can’t believe they haven’t caught me yet.” But I really enjoyed the way that the plot was outlined at the very beginning of the story. The characters start dying off in the same way that the little Indians do in a poem that is read early on. So it was kinda fun trying to figure out how they were going to make it all work.

But then (I won’t spoil it for anyone who’s interested in reading it) the end came completely out of left field! I was mad because I’d made my prediction early on, and it turned out I was right… but it was really frustrating. You’ll just have to read it to see why. (Ohhh, a little teaser for you there.)

Over all, it was entertaining, but I was upset that there was no way to have figured it out on my own. The author didn’t give enough detail until the reveal at the end to make it remotely possible to even make an educated guess. But still a fun read.

The Screwtape Letters

C. S. Lewis

I have obviously read this book before. But when I first went through what I am simply calling “My Book List” I decided to not just mark it as already-read or need-to-read but also to include an absolutely-must-read-again-because-I-was-way-too-young-when-I-read-it-the-first-time category.

I love the way that this book is written. The whole thing is backwards, if you think about it. The author is trying to help us be better people, so he does into the ways that the adversary works to stop us from doing that.

If you haven’t read this book, here’s the premise: Screwtape, a master Tempter and Devil, is writing letters to his nephew, a young Tempter on his first assignment. He gives him lots of advice on how to coerce his subject into falling away from God.

I tried to explain how wonderful this was to a friend of mine who’d never read it, and she said it just sounded creepy. But it’s not! It’s a brilliant commentary on the little tricks and methods that Satan has perfected over the years to keep us away from the straight and narrow.

I could go on forever. Basically, if you have read this book you know exactly how amazing it is. If you haven’t read this book, go do so immediately because it’s fantastic and will honestly make you better.

The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance

Elna Baker

A coworker/girl I’ve know from church for 10ish years (even though she’s never actually gotten Baptized…) came up to me at work about a month and a half ago. We were just chatting the way coworkers do, when she was like “oh, you would appreciate this. I saw this book at the store and I had to buy it.” She started telling me about this book. She was hesitant to recommend it to me, because as much as the title may be misleading this book probably won’t be sold at Deseret Book (in fact, I’d be shocked if they did). But she made it clear that it wasn’t “anti.” So I told her to bring it in, and I’d love to read it. I read it that night and had it back to her by morning.

This is one girl’s memoir on her life as a single Mormon living in New York. She struggles with a lot of things (her weight, men, actually believing that the church is true…) and she’s very honest. There are some hilarious things (like the way she describes the titular dance… we’ve all been there.) and there are some really emotional things (like her struggles with her relationships) and there were times that I found myself wanting to yell at her “No! Don’t do it! The Church is really true, I promise! You’ll regret that in the morning!”

She’s a bit of a mess when it comes to guys, but I think we can all see ourselves in little pieces of her story. Expecially for me, being a single Mormon way longer than I ever meant to be, I appreciate some of the things that she feels. At the beginning when she freaks out about kissing, I’ve totally been there. Over annylizing everything too. But maybe it’s just a girl thing.

I have always known that the Church is true. It’s one of my spiritual gifts, I believe. (See D&C 46:11-14) It's a huge blessing. But at times it makes it hard for me to really understand people who don’t have the same level of faith that I do. This book helped me to gain better insight into the struggles that some, probably most, people have to go through to gain a testimony.

The really frustrating part is: She never gets it. I’m going to ruin the end for you, but it basically comes down to her saying that she knows the church is probably true, but it’s too hard to live like a Mormon, so she’s probably just going to stop trying. But her thought process and the journey she takes to that completely inconclusive end is still worth a read I think.

Be aware that this book has some language and compromising situations in it. Don’t be thinking that since it’s got Mormon in the title that it’s something you could have your little sister read. That said, I do recommend this book. I think it’s interesting reading and gave me a lot to think about. I’d love to discuss it with people.

(It was really cool to discuss with the friend who loaned it to me, especially because she’s pretty much in the same boat – she came to all four years of early morning seminary, she’s been to church more than a few members I know, she’s currently engaged to a Mormon… but she won’t make the real commitment by actually being baptized. But then, she was raised by the same parents who named her Ruby Tuesday Rock and Roll Griffiths. No joke.)

The Poisonwood Bible

Barbara Kingsolver

I found this book intriguing… but mostly boring. When I think back on it, I find I’m kinda glad it’s over. There were some interesting themes and family dynamics. But I felt like I was trying to finish it just so I could say I had rather than because I wanted to read it.

So I won’t go into it much more than that.  Good book. Long winded. Maybe if I knew more about South African history I would have followed it better. I didn’t really connect with the characters. Thoughts?

Cards on the Table

Agatha Christie

I just finished this one last night. Another mystery. I find that I don’t think I like Agatha Christie very much. I remember watching old british TV shows that starred her iconic character Hercule Poirot. But I didn’t like him in this book. Actually, I just didn’t like this book. But, of course, I had to find out what happened.

There’s a whole lot of bait and switch going on between the author and the reader here. There are basically 4 people who could possibly have committed a murder. And since they’ve all committed murder before, it’s supposedly impossible to know which one would be more likely to have done it. The author leads you to believe that you’ve figured it out with each one of the people before finally saying “ha! Just kindding. It was actually this one!” Which, as with the one I read before, I found really annoying rather than interesting or unpredictable. You literally are convinced that it’s one person for the last 20 pages (because Poirot has said it’s true) and then he changes his mind on the last two pages. I just about threw the book.

And that’s what I think of that.

Persuasion

Jane Austen

I can’t really say that I’m reading this book exactly… I’m almost reciting it at this point. This is absolutely my favorite book of all time. I have read it more times than I can count. I got a fancy new phone last month and now I have Kindle capabilities at my fingertips… so this is what I read when I have to wait around for some reason.

As a side note, this is the first book I've talked about (in any post) that I haven't been able to find a picture of the exact cover for the book I had in my hand. But that's because I have seen or own so many copies, I couldn't pick.

But since I was reading it today I thought I’d talk about why it’s my favorite book. And since it’s not the most popular Austen novel, I feel I need to explain myself.

I am Anne Elliot. This is probably the closest I have ever been to really really identifying with a character in a book. A lot of Jane Austen’s other heroines are more outgoing or charismatic or just stuck up and dumb (I’ve always disliked Emma Woodhouse). But Anne is quiet. She’s content staying in the background. Her goal in life is to make everyone around her comfortable. But she’s not weak. When it matters, she does not back down from what is important. Every time Austen describes Anne’s feelings or thoughts I feel myself thinking “oh, my gosh. I know!”

Aside from the heroine, I love Austen’s commentary on the role of persuasion and influence in our lives. When does being mindful of the wishes of others become a weakenss? When does being strong willed turn into disregard for others or recklessness? Is it possible to live life without being influenced by others? What if you use your influence to hurt other people? Captain Wentworth is so upset by Anne’s submission to the will of her friend that he believes for a time that he wants a woman who will never be influenced by others. When he finds this woman, she nearly kills herself because she will not listen to him when he tells her she’s jumping from too high up for him to catch her. He, and hopefully the reader, learn throughout the story that you must make your own decisions in life, but if you ignore the advice or needs of the people around you, you will never be happy.

I could go on for days. But this post is far too long as it is…

Please leave me your thoughts and comments.

Next on the list (though, I may not have time to read for a while):

-The Book Thief

-1776

-Peace like a River

-Little Women (also on the need-to-read-again list)

Sick = Update

Hi everyone!

It's funny how being bedridden makes you appreciate having a laptop. I got this insane cold on Christmas night (so, after most of the festivities, thank goodness). I can hardly breathe! I'm one big blob of mucus and gross. It's not fun. And I don't like using sick days at work either. Boo.

But I've been able to do some reading and I'm finally updating my blog! (Which is a convenient way to communicate when your voice has been gone for three days.)

Like I said, I've been doing more reading. I'm not reading quite as fast as I was earlier because life has gotten pretty busy. Mostly because they made me the Relief Society President in the Singles Branch. At first I thought that this was going to be better (one big calling is better than 3 big callings right? - I had been serving in the RS presidency, as well as being FHE mom and on the Activities Committee before) but I was wrong. I love Relief Society, a lot actually. It's probably one of my favorite things about the Church. But being the president is SO much harder than I thought it would be. The branch president has told me a few times that I need to be less hard on myself and that I don't have to take so much on... but then he'll turn around and say things like "you are going to work miracles for the girls in the branch" or "there are a lot of changes that need to take place in the Branch, and the Relief Society is where those are going to have to start." So I don't know how to not stress out about it. 

For those of you who are interested in my dating life - I'm sorry to say that there is so little going on in that department that I have almost forgotten about it. The last time I was asked out on a date was way back in March. So it's been a while. I don't see a lot of hope for the future either. There's a new guy in the branch, and I feel bad for him. He's pretty good looking and every girl from 18 - 32 has decided that they want to marry him. So the poor guy has no idea what he's in for. (The backbiting has already begun among some of the girls... it's pathetic.) And yet a secret part of me hopes that he'll look my way. Sigh... 

As with absolutely everything in my life these days, all I can say is: I guess we'll just wait and see how it turns out. 

Another Book

In case you are wondering, here's what I ended up doing about giving Meghan's book back:

I read the other book she lent me and gave them back at the same time. I really did like the second book (which I will get into in a minute) so it wasn't hard to talk about how much I liked it and kinda brush over the first book completely.

The other book she gave me was Sundays at Tiffany's by James Patterson. I have never actually read any of his other books, but even I can tell you that this one is not his normal fare. He's more thriller/mystery and this was more feel good romance - with a twist. But I really enjoyed it.

I'll give you a brief synopsis without actually ruining it. Basically it's the story of a girl who has an imaginary friend when she's 8. He's pretty much the perfect man: he's a great listener, he tells her she's beautiful, and gives her the support that she's lacking in the parent arena. But, according to Imaginary Friend rules, he has to leave her when she turn 9. Then, 20+ years later, she runs into him.

This story was really intriguing to me. It's based on the idea that these friends actually do exist and are simply invisible to those who aren't supposed to see them. They go around from kid to kid helping them learn about themselves and the world around them. It shows a little of what they do when they are between kids. It was fun to read and not too heavy on the content so I was able to read it in one sitting.

The things I didn't like were minor. The ending felt a little hap hazard. Almost like the author hadn't made up his mind on how it was going to end until the last 4 or 5 pages. But he's a mystery writer, I guess he was just trying to keep the reader on his toes. And of course there was a page or two that I skipped completely because of the content. But you see it coming a mile away, so it's easy to avoid.

Overall, a fun read. And I'm glad that Meghan lent it to me. (It's now being passed around the office. I think Jillian is reading it next.) And not only because I got to use it as a cover for the other book that I never actually got more than about 60 pages into. :)

My next book will be: The Help by Kathryn Stockett

BOOKS

Recently I decided that I wanted to read good books. I’ve always been a reader. It’s in my blood. But I felt like I wasn’t reading anything that was really making me grow or learn. I was reading fluffy fun books that didn’t have much more value than pure entertainment. Don’t get me wrong, there is always a place for that in life, but I want to be a better person after I read.

So I immediately thought of my friend Melissa. She has a degree in English Lit and has read everything. Her blog often consists of book reviews as she constantly reads. I went there first, and decided to read everything that she recommended. I sent her an email and told her that I wanted her to educate me on excellent literature.  She sent me a list of over 100 books that I had to read. I’d already read some, but the list is still significant.

I’d love to use this blog as a way to express my thoughts about some of these books as I read them. Here’s what I’ve read since beginning my quest to “be well read” as Mel would say.

Killer Angels

I have always loved Gettysburg PA. Since moving to the East Coast with my family more than 10 years ago we have been to many of the American History sites. But none has moved me quite as much as that battlefield. There is a spirit of sacrifice and dedication and peace that pervades the area. And since it’s not like most tourist sites (it’s acres of land, not a building or monument) it’s a lot easier to be alone and soak in all in.

Killer Angels by Michael Shaara is a fantastic book. It is the story of the battle of Gettysburg told through multiple voices. I love it because it treats both sides fairly. We were all Americans just trying to do what was right, and Killer Angels depicts that. No one who fought that day was perfect, but it’s wonderful to see how good a lot of them were. It taught me to see them as people instead of stories or history test fodder. I highly recommend it. I couldn’t put it down, even though I knew how it was going to end.

Also, the movie Gettysburg is an adaptation of this book and is likewise quite excellent. (If you have 3 hours to dedicate to it.)

The Hunger Games (Series)

I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll start at the beginning.

I first heard of this book in a class at BYU. It was a class about adolescents and we had to read a book written for an adolescent audience and then do a book report about it. There were a lot of people who read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins and they all really loved it. I was intrigued. So when Mel also recommended it I decided to see what all the hype was about. Plus the third and final book in the series had just come out the day before and I got the boxed set pretty cheap.

The Hunger games – book one

I agreed with everyone. This book was amazing. It was very graphic and potent and had some very vivid visuals (and I’m not a very visual person in general). Again, I couldn’t put it down. There was danger and excitement on every page as well as some good insights into what it means to be human. There was also very little resolution at the end so I didn’t wait more than 20 seconds before I started the 2^nd one.

Catching Fire – book two

This book was also well written and had some of the same elements, but I felt it lacked the originality of the first. It honestly felt like she was trying to do the first book over again. I found myself getting annoyed with some of the characters instead of caring about them. But again, major cliff hanger, so I went right to the 3^rd even though it was about 3 in the morning.

Mockingjay – book three

This book was not great. If I read it by itself I might have had a higher opinion of it, but I couldn’t help comparing it to the other two and feeling disappointed. I felt like the whole feel of the series had changed and I honestly stopped caring by the end. Even less than caring, I was mad and confused and just wanted to throw the book across the room.

When my sister asked me what these books were about I summed it up by saying it was like Twilight meets The Lord of the Flies. That sounds crazy, but I think if you’ve read it you’ll know what I mean.

The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton

This was a major shift in genre from Hunger Games and it took me a few days to really get into the swing of it, but then I was hooked. It’s the story of the wealthy families in New York in 1860. I found it really interesting to think about all of the social class things happening in the US. I have always associated dinner parties and servants and evenings at the theater with England and Austen. When I think of those years in American history I'm usually thinking about the Civil War and about how everyday people lived in the country. I guess I just hadn't ever thought about people who lived like Englishmen in New York. But that that was part of the story. How those older traditions were starting to fall apart, and how the world was changing around them. The question that the characters ask themselves is whether or not this change is good or bad. Brilliant book.

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

This is the story of Dinah the daughter of Jacob and Leah from the Old Testament. It is obviously fictionalized and filled in since there’s only about 35 verses about her in the Bible. Here’s what I wrote to Mel shortly after finishing it:

So. The Red Tent.

There were things that I really liked about it, and some things that I really didn't like about it. First the likes: I didn't want to put it down. I got really caught up in the story. Also, I found myself wishing for the sisterhood and for the matriarchal line that was so much a part of their lives. Especially at the end when she's dying and she sees all the women who were influential in her life. I really wish that Womanhood was more celebrated in our culture. I liked the whole idea of women telling the stories of the women from generation to generation. I also really liked seeing Leah's side of the story. When I read the old testament account of Jacob, I always felt bad for Rachel. This made me realize that Leah was a real person too, and made me think about how she must have felt about the whole thing. It was shocking but good to remember how freaking young they all were.

What I didn't like was how graphic it was. I know that it was realistic, but I felt uncomfortable with some of the details that were given. I was also troubled by how un-religious it was. I wanted Jacob's wives to support him in his faith, but instead the author seemed to show all faith (whatever God you were worshiping) as important only as a tradition, without any real power. I had to separate the Bible story from it completely in order to enjoy it. Once I thought of them as simply fictional characters it was easier to like them, because I wasn't expecting anything from them.

I had very mixed feelings when it ended. I still do. But I'm still thinking about it, which in and of itself is a good thing. It wasn't forgettable that's for sure. I don't think I'll recommend it to just anyone, but  I am glad that I read it.

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

I LOVED this book. There were a lot of themes addressed and there’s no way I can get into all of them, but  I loved Lily because she really learned to forgive and rely on herself and a higher power to make her life better than the situation she was given. And again, like what I enjoyed about Red Tent, I loved the portrayal of sisterhood and the power that women have to build each other up. I’m a strong believer in the fact that women will always need other women in their lives.

Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult

This one was not on my list from Melissa. I was talking about how much I love to read with a coworker of mine and she evidently reads a ton too. So I told her I’d lend her The Secret Life of Bees and she gave me this book. Jodi Picoult wrote My Sister’s Keeper which they made a movie of recently, but I’d never seen it or read the book. But Meghan recommended it so I thought I’d give it a try.

Now I have a dilemma. How do you give a book back to a friend and say “oh, I couldn’t get into it. I tried  probably 10 times to read it and I got about 4 chapters in, but couldn’t make it further than that.” Especially after she just loved the book you recommended to her.

Any suggestions? I feel bad starting something else before I give her book back, but I also haven’t really read anything for a while now because I don’t want to read that one. So I need to just move on I guess. But what do I say to Meghan?

I’ll try to keep you updated on my progress through The List. I am also crazy busy with a million other things in my life and I will blog about that later this week. :)

Just a note

I just want to write a brief note telling you all that I promise to Blog this week. I have a bunch of things I want to say, so I've decided to take some time this week and get it all actually out there. You all have permission to yell at me if I don't follow through.

Love,

Me....